Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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