I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
