Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
