..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
