Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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