Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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