hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MIDGETS
????
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
