Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
