so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
