So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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