Need sex. Gaining weight.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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