My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
