saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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