with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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