I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
