You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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