he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
