Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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