fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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