i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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