Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
