It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
