What a fucking waste of an outfit
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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