It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
