I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
