She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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