just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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