it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
