I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
