she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need water and some morals
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize