you guys were way drunker than both of me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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