so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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