drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
