you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
