Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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