My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this just has baby written all over it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
