If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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