I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
