im drinking this country out of the recession.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!