Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson