He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I deserve this hangover.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
