Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
