I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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