he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
