is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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