Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
