just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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