I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
