why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Success! We fucked roommates!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
