Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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