I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
