you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Panties = found
Randomize
