Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
