he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
