I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
