didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
