I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
