If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
