Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
