Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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