And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
