We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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