Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
