I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
