we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Houston, we have a blender
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
