Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
