I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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