farters have to be the big spoon...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
