My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
