Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
