Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
