well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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