video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
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Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
try to milk me bitch
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