dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
