actually, I'm a sock model
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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