Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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