When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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