Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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